Book Review: Women Food and God

Have you ever read a book that articulated something you have been thinking - or feeling - in a way that finally clicked...you know, gave you that "AH-HA!" moment that you have been waiting for?!  Well, I just finished reading exactly that kind of book, and I am looking forward to sharing it with you today.  The book is Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth.

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No matter how sophisticated or wealthy or broke or enlightened you are, how you eat tells all. 

After three decades of studying, teaching and writing about our compulsions with food, bestselling author Geneen Roth adds a powerful new dimension to her work in Women Food and God.  She begins with her most basic concept: The way you eat is inseparable from your core beliefs about being alive.  Your relationships with food is an exact mirror of your feelings about love, fear, anger, meaning, transformation, and, yes, even God. 

A timeless and seminal work, Women Food and God shows how going beyond the food and the feelings takes you deeper into realms of spirit and soul - to the bright center of your own life.

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Yes, back in 2010, Oprah Winfrey had Roth on her show.  In fact, after reading Roth's book, Oprah vowed that she was through with dieting - forever - as in, never again.  I don't know about you, but if something as simple as a book could get Oprah off of her decades-long diet rollercoaster, well then, I'm intrigued.  After reading the book myself, I can understand Oprah's reaction.  Practically every other page of my copy is dog-eared, lines upon lines of Roth's words are underlined, and the margins are covered with my written reflections, reactions, and responses.

If you struggle with body image, disordered eating, or a full-blown eating disorder, this book is a life-changer.

Roth says, "every single person has a shtick with food and therefore everyone should read this book." 

The take-away is this, whoever you are, READ. THIS. BOOK.

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Just in case you aren't convinced, here is a L-O-N-G list of my favorite quotes from the book.  If these quotes don't perk your interest, well then, I give up.  Here goes:

• About God - "And I believe in love.  And beauty.  I believe that every single person has something they find beautiful and that they truly love...And I believe that if you follow this love all the way to its end, if you start with the thing you find most beautiful and trace its perfume back to its essence, you will perceive an intangible presence, a swath of stillness that allows the thing you love to be visible like the openness of the sky reveals the presence of the moon." (Pg. 25)

• Ending the War - "But fixing ourselves is not the same as being ourselves...The relentless attempts to be thin take you further and further away from what could actually end your suffering: getting back in touch with who you really are.  Your true nature.  Your essence." (Pg. 32-33)

• Beyond What's Broken - "Realize that brokenness is learned, not innate, and that [your] work is to find [your] way back to what is already whole. " (Pg. 65)

• Breath by Breath - "The problem isn't that we have bodies; the problem is that we're not living in them...Change happens not by hatred but by love.  Change happens when you understand what you want to change so deeply that there is no reason to do anything but act in your own best interest.  When you begin to inhabit your body from the inside." (Pg. 120-121)

• Being Hot Fudge Sundaes - "It's never been true, not anywhere at any time, that the value of a soul, of a human spirit, is dependent on a number on a scale.  We are unrepeatable beings of light and space and water who need these physical vehicles to get around   When we start defining ourselves by that which can be measured or weighed, something deep within us rebels." (Pg. 174)

• Breath by Breath - "There is no way back to the body; the body is the way.  You leave and then you return.  Leave and return.  You forget and then you remember.  Forget. Remember.  One breath and then another.  One step and then another...And it doesn't matter how long you've been gone; what matters is that you've returned...Soon you begin wondering where you've been all this time.  How you wandered so far.  And you realize that torture isn't having these arms or these legs; it's being so convinced that God is out there, in another place, another realm, that you miss the lavender slip of moon, your own awakened presence." (Pg. 125)

Question of the Day:

Have you ever read a book that said something in a way that you had an "AH-HA!" moment?  If so, I would love to hear all about it in the "Comment" section below!

Blessings,
Ally and Bo

Love is Like a Mirror

Yesterday, on my way home from a business meeting and taking a yoga class, I was listening to "Fresh Air" with Terri Gross.  "Fresh Air" is easily one of my favorite shows on NPR; there is just something about Gross' ability to ask the right questions that makes every show both impressionable and memorable.

In yesterday's program, Gross interviewed Martin Bayne who was forced to enter an assisted living facility due to his debilitating early-onset Parkinson's disease.  Unlike most of his assisted living counterparts who are in their 80's and 90's, Bayne - in his early 50's - "calls himself an observer-advocate and writes about long-term care reform for the elderly" in his blog, as well as nationally-renowned newspapers such as The Washington Post.  The interview covered a vast array of topics including:

• false advertising;
• social perceptions of the elderly;
• recording people's final days; and
• how death is handled in assisted living facilities.  

But - for me, at least - the most powerful moment in the interview was an obscure one: it was a moment that reflected not on death, and not on the elderly, but on love.  I am paraphrasing substantially here because I cannot find a transcript of the interview online, but when Gross asked Bayne why he cares so much about his community, he answered in roughly the following way:

Because love is like a mirror.  If I can love the brokenness in others.  If I can accept the disintegration of my peers and of my friends, then I can learn to accept the same faults within myself.  I can only love my friends and family as much as I love myself.  No more. And if I have no love for myself, then that will inevitably be reflected in my relationship with everyone else.

I almost cried. 

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It's amazing how the truth can find us in the most unexpected of times, when we are most unprepared for its arrival.  And yet, Bayne's words hit me like a ton of bricks and said:

"WAKE UP!"

"Are you listening?"

"Don't you get it?!"

And in that moment, I did.

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With love you cannot bargain there,

the choice is not yours.

Love is a mirror, 

it reflects only your essence,

if you have the courage to look in its face.

-Translation by Azima Melita Kolin and Maryam Mafi

Rumi: Whispers of the Beloved

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Normal Rockwell paintings are some of my favorites, and this one (entitled "Girl in Mirror") is one of my all time favorites.  This painting has always spoken to me; maybe it's because "something about the way this young girl looks at herself in the mirror rings so familiar...you can tell she's judging herself," and it's beautiful in a sad, intimate sort of way.

As an interesting tidbit, if you look at the original photograph that Rockwell painted from, there is no magazine.  He added the magazine onto the girl's lap in his painting...and I have to wonder why?

What was his inspiration?

What was he trying to say...if anything?

I have a hard time thinking that he would add the magazine "just because" - without any real meaning or message behind it - but then again, who am I to judge?  Regardless, at the end of yesterday (and into this morning), Bayne's words still echo in my mind:

I can only love my friends and family as much as I love myself.  

No more. 

With that said, I think I have some work to do...

Question of the Day:

What are your thoughts about today's post?  Do YOU think love is like a mirror...or do you think this is just some silly simile?  

Whatever you think, I would love to hear all about it in the "Comment" section below!

Blessings,
Ally and Bo

Things That Make Me Feel Pretty

My body has seen a lot of changes in its 28 (almost 29 - EEK!) years.  Whether as a result of puberty, a thyroid imbalance, ED, etc. (honestly, this list could go on and on), my body has had seen more than its fair share of ups and downs.  Needless to say:

I don't always wake up feeling gorgeous.  

My clothes don't always fit the way I want them to.

I don't always appreciate the way my body looks naked.

etc.

etc.

etc.

BUT, today's post isn't about feeling unattractive, frustrated, or unappreciative.  

NO.  

Today's post is about things that make me feel pretty...

(taking my cue from Natalie Wood in Westside Story)

...like a perfectly-fitting bra.

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For the first decade or so that I wore a bra I wore the wrong size.  Heck, even when I worked at Victoria's Secret as a "Bra Specialist" for two and a half years I wore the wrong size.  Truth be told, up until a couple of years ago, I thought that bras came in about four size categories:

1. 34B (because honestly, doesn't practically every woman think she wears a 34B?);
2. wireless/training bras;
3. padded/fake bras; and
4. bras that are so large I could fit my entire head in a single cup!

It was only about a year ago that I was properly sized (Thank you Neiman Marcus!) as a 32D.  Needless to say, I was shocked!  First of all, at the time, I didn't event know that they made such a size; and second of all, I certainly didn't think that I would fit into a "32" anything!  But whaddya know, the Neiman Marcus bra lady really knew what she was talking about; and since then, I haven't looked back.

I only own two bras in my size (heck, those babies are expensive!), but every time I put one of them on I feel special, sexy - and yes, if I'm honest - just a little bit pretty.

Isn't that the truth?!

Another thing that makes me feel pretty is a little white dress (LWD).  

I know, I know, everyone is always raving over the importance of the LBD (little black dress); but, truth be told, black just isn't my thing.  Without a doubt, I would prefer to wear white over black any day of the week!

I found this pretty thing at my local Plato's Closet for just $6.00!

Let's see:

• Broad enough straps to wear a perfectly-fitted bra: CHECK!
• Feminine details: CHECK!
• Defined (but comfortable) waist: CHECK!
• Classy and cute length: CHECK!
• Can be dressed up or down: CHECK!

What more could a girl ask for in a dress?!

And just in case my LWD is dirty, I still feel pretty in almost any cute and comfortable sundress (No black please!)!

Question of the Day:


So, tell me(!), what makes YOU feel pretty?!

Blessings,
Ally and Bo

Failure.

*WARNING: This post may contain certain "triggers."  Therefore, if you have a history of an eating disorder, and are easily triggered, please read with caution.*

I have mixed feelings about writing this post.  Usually this blog is pretty upbeat (not that this post is going to be a sob-story or anything), filled with delicious vegan and vegetarian recipes, and sprinkled with a book review, yoga post, or story about life in the Navy here and there.  So, even though I have had the desire to write today's post for quite a while, I haven't, because - quite frankly - I wasn't sure that the ABC blog was the right forum for me to spill my guts.

You see, today's post is about failure.  

Specifically, failure in relation to my body image.

(I warned you.  Not necessarily the fun and uplifting post you are used to!)

But don't go just yet...why don't you stay and read a while?  Maybe, just maybe, my ramblings on failure will mean something to you.  Maybe not.  In any case, why not take a chance and read on?!

I struggled with an eating disorder, in some form or another, from 1999-2009.  ED (my not so endearing term for my eating disorder) originally manifested in the form of bulimia.  Then he took a vacation for a while, and when he returned he was stronger, smarter, and in the form of anorexia.  I am 5'6" tall, and at rock-bottom I weighed 103 pounds.

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Not. healthy.

To be honest, at that weight, I wasn't even sure I looked good.  All of my "girly bits" were gone, the fashion that I loved didn't look good on my shapeless body, I was freezing cold all the time, my hair was falling out, and I was quite moody (i.e. bit*hy) - not to mention that I was miserable and falling apart from the inside out.

So why didn't I break up with ED sooner?  

Because, the truth is, my relationship with ED had nothing to do with weight, and everything to do with control and self-worth.

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You see, in my mind, I had to be perfect to be loved.  I had to prove that I was worthy of the love and acceptance of others.  To me, outside of God and my mother, the concept of unconditional love was just too good to be true.  I mean really, with my limp hair and round face and soft tummy and fake front tooth, etc. etc. etc. - who would love me?!

So here I am, three years into my recovery, the strongest I've been in my entire life (thanks to yoga), the healthiest I've been since age 14 (both physically and emotionally), 137 pounds (WOW - did I really just type that?!), not completely in love with my feminine shape; and as I was driving to teach a yoga class a couple of days ago I had a realization.

I feel like a failure.

Not all the time.  Not in relation to my job.  Certainly not in relation to my marriage.  But undoubtedly - in more moments that I would care to admit - in relationship to my body.

And this failure is complicated, because on the one hand I feel like I have failed at being "thin," and on the other hand I feel like I have failed at learning to love my healthy, new, woman's body.  

And then I feel even more like a failure because I can't seem to win.

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The truth is that I somehow want both, and the even harder truth is that I'm not sure that's possible.  Although I certainly struggle to embrace my new size 6/8 body, I also know that this is sort of my bodies natural "baseline."  When I eat a balance diet and exercise 4/5 times a week, this is where my body lands: like it or not (sometimes I like it, most of the time - for now, at least - I am struggling to accept it).

And then the competitive perfectionist steps in and tries to tell me that I've given up too easily (Have I?).  That the only reason that I have the body that I do is because I am too lazy to buckle down and change it (Really?).  That I know what to do, I just need to stop making all these "healthy" excuses and do it!

And then there's yoga.

And my mother.

And my husband.

And countless others.

Who, every day, in their own special ways, tell me/call me/remind me/look me straight in the eyes and say that:

I. am. perfect.

I. am. enough.

I. am. loved.

And that makes me want to cry, because the truth is, three years into recovery, I still don't believe it.  I believe it about others.  I can love others unconditionally until the cows come home.  But for some unfortunate and insane reason I still haven't gotten it through my thick skull that:

I. am. worthy.

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So, here I am, writing about failure; and to be honest, I am enough of a realist to know that it would be fake and superficial of me to wrap this post up with a pretty pink bow and call it a day.  That's not the reality of where I am, and I'm OK with that.  Instead, I will acknowledge that:

• I am three years into my recovery.
• I wake up, every day, and I decide to be healthy.
• I walk onto my yoga mat and I consciously work on accepting myself, so that I can better accept others.
• I eat three, healthy, well-balanced, nutritionally-rich meals every day.
• I tell my husband he is loved at least once a day...and then I try to tell myself the same thing.
• I am fighting.
• I won't give up.

And finally, even though he is the constant, unwelcome, solicitor in my life, 

I will not open the door to ED ever again.

And if for nothing else, for that I am not a failure.  

For that I am a champion.

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Next up - we return to the wonderful world of recipes!  Summer vegetable soup anyone?!

Question of the Day:


Do you ever feel like a failure?  If so, what do you do to remind yourself that you are a champion?!

Blessings,
Ally and Bo